Emailed to me recently by my uncle who lives in Tennessee:

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go
something like this:

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted
to spend an  hour once a week with their fellow Christians--they are
my best workers.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to
be thanked -- I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy that stop going to church -- they are my
missionaries.

4. Blessed are the troublemakers -- they shall be called my
children.

5. Blessed are the complainers -- I'm all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms
and mistakes for they get nothing out of his/her sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his/her
own church for he/she is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and
division that please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon
 get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on
God's work for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he/she who professes to love God but hates his/her brother
and sister for he/she shall be with me forever.

12. Blessed are you who, when you read this, think it is about
other people and not yourself -- I've got you too!