I'm not good enough!

The first thing I said a number of minutes after we learned Merry had been killed, "Did she ever know how much I loved her?" As I had time to mull that farther, I knew that she could not have know because I didn't!

A couple of months after Jim's death, I was plagued with thoughts of all the ways that I could have been a better wife...........more or less of a number of things.

Finds out that I am 'normal' in the grieving process. In a booklet by Kenneth C. Haugk titled "A Time to Grieve", seems my question of Merry knowing how much I loved her was on the 'list' of questions rattling through people's heads.

And the thought of being and doing better was addressed by Haugk as well:  ".......you're human---not a saint or superhero.....your loved one was also a regular human who struggled with the same kind of limits and weaknesses......you acted as best you could at that given point in time...."

Because of those two lost relationships, I know there is another one coming:  "Do I love God like I could or should?" I want to do a better job but again........I am neither a saint nor a superhero.

Here is something that I received via email yesterday from Max Lucado titled "We're Not Good Enough":

"Simply put -- we are not good enough to go heaven. So what can we do? We could start doing good deeds. Perhaps if we do enough good deeds, they'll offset our bad deeds. The question then becomes how many good deeds? If I spend one year being greedy, how many years should I be generous?

"No one knows the answer to that question. A rule sheet can't be found. A code has not been discovered. Why? Because God doesn't operate this way. God has been so kind to us. We have no way of balancing the scales. All we can do is ask for mercy. And God, because of his kindness, gives it.

"God turned over our sins to His Son. Jesus Christ died for us. He did what we could not do so that we might become what we dare not dream-----citizens of heaven!"

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Dear Father God in Heaven, thank You so much for loving us and caring for us. We know we don't deserve it but appreciate all you have done and do for us each day. Know that we love You.....even if it isn't good enough. In Jesus' name. Amen.